Sunday, October 26, 2008

I am an idiot

I have been SO SICK over this that I haven't even managed to log on and type it out.

I screwed up my medication. I was supposed to be taking 2 Femara pills from cycle days 3-7. Instead I am a huge screw up and only took one. I didn't realize it until it was too late. As a result, I am not expecting to see multiple follicles at my scan tomorrow.

The Viagra has made me really sick for the past 10 days. Within 30 minutes of taking it, I can feel the blood rushing to all parts of my body, and it's an intense and painful feeling. It's making my gums bleed a lot when I brush my teeth, to the point where I can still taste blood for about an hour after I brush. I've been up all night for the majority of the nights since I began taking it. Oddly enough, since I started the estrogen, I have been sleeping through the night again. I don't know what the deal is, but I am thankful for some relief. I'm really disgusted that I am going through all of this, and it could be for nothing thanks to my Femara mishap.

I called the nurse as soon as I realized I had messed up, and she talked me down from the ledge. She told me that this happens, and we need to just move on and not worry about it. She wanted me to continue all the other meds as planned, and she told me that we'll just see how I respond to a half dose of Femara.

I go for my ultrasound tomorrow, and I'm terrified. If they tell me the lining is not improved, I don't even know where to go from here. Maybe a higher dose of estrogen? Or maybe there is nothing more we can do? My stomach is in knots.

I've beat myself up over and over for messing up. This should be THE most important thing in my life right now. Yet, I am so over-extended with work and other responsibilities that I was careless. I decided that my life is way too disorganized, and as a result, I've spent the entire weekend decluttering my house. I'm hoping this will help me also declutter my mind. How could I do something so stupid? After all that we've been through.

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