Saturday, June 26, 2010

Hope for healing

This post is kind of weird and misplaced. But that's okay - this entire year has been weird!

I was just sitting on the couch, flipping through a People magazine that my mom passed to me. I know, it's a wild and crazy Saturday night activity. I never buy People magazine. She never does either, but she was on a flight home from New York City on Friday...anyway...

I came across a photograph of Mark McGrath and his fiancee and their new twins. The caption is a quote from McGrath that reads,

The journey to parenthood "wasn't magic unicorns and rainbows, " says McGrath. "We were very lucky; it took a lot of work to get here."

I reread it 3 or 4 times. I think I am newly endeared to Mark McGrath.

What he said was so true - this journey is surely not magical. But I think if we could be fortunate enough to come out on the other side, we could feel lucky too.

One wonderful thing this baby did for me was show me that I *can* feel healed. Totally healed. I have always said that no matter the outcome, I will be forever scarred by this experience. It's the type of thing that heals to a certain degree with time but never, ever goes away completely. But I think I was wrong. This baby healed me temporarily. It was as if everything that happened before that positive pregnancy test just melted away. I went to Babies R Us - a dreaded activity, as I've made many trips to shop for gifts over the past few years until I eventually just stopped giving baby gifts altogether. I walked the aisles in excitement and felt amazed at all the new things for babies. Apparently a lot has changed over the past six years.

But the most important thing is that it didn't hurt anymore - at all. And that gives me a great deal of hope. No, this journey isn't unicorns and rainbows...but the end result could be truly magical.

1 comment:

Katie said...

You are a wonderful, strong woman. Don't ever forget that.
You are always in my prayers..