A forced break

Well, our plan of no breaks in 2009 did not last even a full month. When we met with Dr. Dunn yesterday, he had some pretty honest and difficult news for us. I guess I figured that was coming, but it was still a tough day. My lining isn't responding to the medication. It's actually measuring less now than it was about 6 months ago. He said this wasn't really what he expected at the time of my surgery. My body - for some unknown reason - just isn't taking over to reproduce and spread endometrium inside my uterus. There is no evidence of additional scar tissue, but my body just doesn't seem to want to recover. It wouldn't make sense to keep trying the same thing at this point, so he said he'd like for us to take a 4-6 week break and try estrogen patches. He wants me to wear 2 at a time. The patches are more effective than pills, because the hormone is absorbed directly through the skin and into my system. With pills, they must pass through the liver first, and some of the potency is lost in that process. He warned me of some side effects with the patches - mainly bloating. I am used to that by now!

At the 4 week mark, he will do a scan and see if the lining is thickening. I expect it will, but my concern (and the doctor's concern as well) is that with a few periods, it will just shed again and leave me back where I am now. Nothing is going to be a permanent fix unless somehow my body will kick it into gear and begin spreading these cells on it's own.

So, after we discussed that, he finally brought up surrogacy to me. This was a pretty big signal to me that he's beginning to reach a point where he can't help us anymore. I told him that surrogacy was basically financially impossible for us right now. He said most people try to find a friend who will do it for them at a low cost, because they love them. Unfortunately, I don't think Jamie or I have any friends that love us that much. Going through IVF and being pregnant for someone else is a HUGE sacrifice. I don't know one single person who is at a point in their life where they would do that for us at a price we could afford. Most surrogates run in the neighborhood of $30,000.

Then he gave me a business card for a counselor. I guess I must have looked pretty depressed. And I guess I am feeling depressed.

I ordered a full copy of my medical records before I left the office. I need them for the acupuncturist and I also thought I might make some additional copies and see if some other RE's might be willing to look them over and do a consultation - just to see if they have any other ideas. I guess we're grasping at straws at this point, but I want to exhaust every possibility before I give up.

I canceled my acupuncture appointment for today, because I'd rather go in after I have all my records. Plus, I guess I'm not in the right mindset today either.

So, I guess there won't really be much going on for the next month or two.